There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
