He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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