After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
