Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
