I'm so fucking centered right now
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize