Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
