someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
