I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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