i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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