I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I looked at my own cervix.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
