well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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