We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
