I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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