Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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