I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
