I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
