I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
and she was petting her beer can
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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