Tell her she can't have a vagina
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
