wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
