And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
