I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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