Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
