THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's official drugs can't kill me
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
