Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
