idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize