does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
