A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
