It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
