garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
