Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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