you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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