last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
