If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize