Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
two words: eviction party
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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