You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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