you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
