I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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