remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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