At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
