He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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