There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
