would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
