I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
