I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
