You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
