So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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