Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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