Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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