um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
