I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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