Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
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