i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
