I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
