imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize