if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
