remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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