never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
