You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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