I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize