i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
