He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
