you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
