I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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