we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
