I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So much Jack, so little girl.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
