oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
