It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
