I wish my penis had an off switch
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
