how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
