Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
