I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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