god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
