So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
