I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Randomize
