Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
