You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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